#33: "Reservations" - Wilco

It was bound to happen, I was eventually going to write about my favorite band. Actually, you could flip a coin between Wilco and The Magnetic Fields as being my two favorites - equally. The lead songwriters basically make the kind of music I aspire to make on my own and speak to my own experiences the most. Bruised romanticism with a darker streak, sometimes laced with a splash of sardonic humor for a bit of a kick. The reason I started recording music at a rapid rate in the early 2000s was because I heard Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and suddenly, everything had changed. I love it all, but the closing track always brings me to tears for reasons I’ll get into shortly.

As most of you know, I have been a lifelong fan of music since about the age of 6, my earliest memories being more of an indoor homebody who found lots of joy going through my dad’s record collection than spending time outside playing sports. I can’t say for sure if I actually ‘owned’ Michael Jackson’s Thriller, but my parents bought it for me on vinyl and it was the first one I actively listened to as a result of watching MTV. Not to mention the fact that my half-sister (who was living in California for most of her life) came to visit and bought some records that I eventually got to listen to as well. 

Then grunge / alternative rock / Liz Phair happened when I entered high school which I’ve written about already. I’d say about another decade later around 2001, music became my main passion even trumping movies to a degree. I’d become a part-time film critic at that point, but I was also writing and recording music under the moniker Automatic Pilot right after a terrible breakup and my dad’s passing. I even formed a band around that time called Friend of a Friend. We weren’t necessarily influenced by Wilco - more early Foo Fighters with a hint of Jimmy Eat World. It was a fun time playing regular shows at the Muse Cafe in Lansing, IL to decent-size crowds. Part of me wanted to get more experimental than we ever did. 

Once we all went our separate ways, I became a solo musician, but I truly think what made me want to keep writing songs as an outlet of choice was re-discovering Wilco with their breakthrough success and documentary surrounding what happened after the record label rejected their magnum opus. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot became the record I went to the most for solace and exaltation. Before that, I did love them as a result of hearing Being There in 1996 and then Summerteeth in 1999, the latter of which still remains my favorite of theirs to this day. Starting with Summerteeth, they had a run of three records in a row that absolutely became inspirational. Then the experience of seeing them live in 2002 is what clenched it. 

I’ve often heard dismissals of the band as being dull dad-rock - akin to The Eagles or Steely Dan or something bland and midtempo. Perhaps on record, some of that is accurate to a degree. I even fell into the trap of thinking “I prefer crazy weird experimental Wilco” (the likes of “Spiders (Kidsmoke)”) when I first heard the more conventional approach of Sky Blue Sky, which absolutely sounded like a record my dad would have in his collection. Don’t get me wrong, there are great songs on nearly every Wilco record going back to that era, but Summerteeth, YHF and A Ghost Is Born are all my idea of sublime, heart-shattering and cathartic rock & roll that I keep hoping they’ll return to. They’ve had little moments here and there of studio playfulness, (I’m thinking of the opening track on The Whole Love and parts of Star Wars for sure), but they’ve settled into a niche of predictability for better or worse. Sometimes it’s fine to settle when it fits so comfortably - the past few Wilco records all have songs I adore but the highs haven’t been quite as high as back when I was in my mid 20s and I found true therapy in both listening to others and recording my own forlorn songs of fractured feeling.

Yankee Hotel Foxtrot is something else entirely. It is full of weird choices, underlying sound beds and layers of warmth and disquiet. I won’t deny that some songs do follow a slow, steady tempo to where you can’t hear how intense they are on record. What truly astonished me was hearing the songs live around my birthday in May 2003 in which not only did they play the majority of YHF, but they did a punky rendition of “Passenger Side” as well as “Misunderstood” in which Jeff began screaming at the top of his lungs in the song, “I’d like to thank you all for NOTHING!” repeating the word nothing over and over again until I was convinced he destroyed his voice. 

I actually get goosebumps as I type this thinking about that moment. I had no idea that Jeff Tweedy had that intensity in him - the band was loud, ferocious, intense. Anything but “dull” which is an adjective I could never use to describe Wilco’s music. There’s also nothing wrong with 80BPM alt-country A&R sleepiness. Anytime I’ve seen them live (which is close to a dozen times) they’ve had fire and power and a cathartic edge that made me appreciate them on a whole new level. I had already loved their last two albums but seeing them live in 2003, they had become my favorite band until I later discovered The Magnetic Fields. It’s been a battle between the two ever since.

Of course the band played my favorite song that night on YHF called “Reservations.” I sobbed. It is a toss-up between that track and “Radio Cure” as being the ones I go back to. Jim the ballad lover strikes again! Most folks would go on record to proclaim “Jesus, etc.” as potentially the best Wilco song ever written and it’s hard to argue with those lyrics especially. (“Our love is all we have” is a companion statement to what is captured in “Reservations” as well). YHF is a perfect album though, I love every single song almost equally. I could’ve happily written about “Poor Places” as well. There are actually a couple more Wilco tracks on my list - two of which come from A Ghost Is Born that I’ll have to cover extensively then but let’s just say that “Reservations” is special to me for a lot of reasons.

It’s still surreal to me to think that I lived next door to The Loft for a couple of years in Irving Park. Cut to a few years later, Mark Greenberg was kind enough to give the music students I was teaching at a private school, a quick tour of the Loft. I had only seen it in a Sam Jones documentary which I’ll get to but to actually “be there” where they made a life-changing record for me felt like being in some sort of alternate universe. Yet these are all just talented Chicago musicians making music - not superheroes. But they do have strange, special powers to create songs that have affected so many, so deeply. Especially me during a vulnerable time around 2002.

I remember texting my friend something insane to proclaim but I’ll stand by my stance as a fan for life: “Wilco are this generation’s The Beatles” I wrote after hearing “Reservations.” My friend wrote back, “Wilco are better,” and I wouldn’t go quite that far in terms of cultural impact at least but suffice to say, I do listen to Wilco even more than the fab four. Though The Beatles were my first love as a kid thanks to my dad’s copy of The White Album. Nevertheless, the reason I played a cover of “Reservations” during my six-week summer tour in 2007 was because it summed up the feelings, I had during the longest relationship of my life during my 20s. The disintegration of our love lead me to write my best record possibly ever entitled Deathless.

There we were. Broken up, moving on. Working part-time jobs, trying to get over one another. Even trying to date other people. I couldn’t let go of my love for her. We went to the same college, Purdue University, and when I ran into her late one day after class, I saw her tumble a bit with a stack of books in hand. Of course, I helped her up and carried her books to her car but then I said, “can you come with me to my car really quick?” I wanted to play a song for her, and it was “Reservations” by Wilco. The simple refrain of “I have reservations about so many things, but not about you,” was all I needed her to listen to. 

She wasn’t quite as moved as I was, nearly tearing up trying to explain what the song had meant. I surmise she was taken aback and maybe still angry with me. I didn’t attempt to work through a difficult experience we had at my best friend’s wedding. However, Wilco was trying to serve as a mediator of the moment. I proclaimed: “Someone has captured what I feel for you for an entire record, and I needed you to hear the last words sung during the last song because that’s what I feel right now.” My dad had recently passed, my mom was a mess, I wasn’t sure if I could make it through college and even the band and friends I had drifted apart. I was holding on to true love with all my broken heart. 

“Reservations” is the song of that relationship and so is Yankee Hotel Foxtrot having come out when we first broke up and then a couple of months later, got back together for another year. We went to a Jeff Tweedy solo show where she experienced extreme anxiety to where I believe we had to leave but I wasn’t as nice about it as I should’ve been at the time. Nowadays, I would have had a totally different reaction to a partner needing to leave a crowded environment. I could be a dick in my 20s.

Something about the background ambiance and muted timpani that surround Jeff Tweedy’s declaration of love for his partner. It feels like we’re inside the mind and heart of someone in pain - longing for the truth that only music can often tap into. At the same time, he’s admitting “it’s me I don’t like” and “I’ve always told lies for love.” There’s also a cello accompanying his acoustic strums. If you watch the excellent documentary, I Am Trying To Break Your Heart, you’ll see the song being developed in the studio in a way that I find moving and painfully funny.

There’s a moment in that movie where the song is being mixed featuring piano and cello and husband Jeff on the phone is talking to his wife Susie while this song is being played. (He even makes a face that is priceless and undoubtedly made Susie a bit angry I’m sure). This gorgeous ballad in the background, we get a glimpse of the intimate married couple that ends with two simple words as the conversation ends and the film cuts. “Pajama day?” says Jeff. 

The song fades with a gentleness, warmth and a renewed sense of hope that true love will find you in the end. It does lull me into a trance but of calm relief that there is a light we each can hold onto as long as someone believes in us. We may not always believe in ourselves, and we probably do have a lot of worries and concerns but when we lie next to someone, there’s reassurance that we are here for a reason. This person is a part of our soul and as long as they’re near, even in the face of uncertainty, we can remain connected to a true feeling that keeps us going. 

I also adore this chord structure, with Jeff utilizing a capo and writing the rare song in the key of “Fmaj.” (I’m partial to Amaj and Dmaj, much like other Wilco songs but here, this key of choice is just sublime in its own way). Cello, guitar, quiet drums from Glenn Kotche (akin to his work on a future recording called Ode to Joy). It does feel like a warm blanket or a friendly embrace. But there is still something haunting and dissonant in the background. There really is a whole lot about the production of the entire album where each time you listen, you not only hear something new, but you feel something new depending on where you are in life.

“Reservations” captures so many things that make me feel better and having performed it many times, I know I’m not alone in that sentiment. It may have saved many relationships or provided comfort after a terrible breakup. I am so grateful Wilco came back into my life when they did. I’m not saying they saved my relationship since we did call it quits a couple years later, but YHF gave me purpose to keep writing songs and recording music even without a band. When I told Jeff that in person at a book signing, he responded with, “That’s why I keep making music too, to inspire others.” He’s done all of that and more.

To be continued with other all-time favorite Wilco tracks in the future. (Sidenote: I used to have a video of me playing this song live at a vegan pizza place in Boston but alas, maybe I’ll track it down one of these days, best to hear the original anyway below).