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2023: The Year So Far (Still In Love With Projectors and Headphones)

2023: The Year So Far (Still In Love With Projectors and Headphones)

It's hard to keep up with new films & music while working a day job, not to mention a podcast, writing reviews, visiting an aging parent, but there are reasons in 2023 to remain in the light

July 15, 2023

Darkness is inevitable. We each have to close our eyes and welcome it. Unless you happen to be one of those wild weirdos that prefers to sleep with lights or the TV on, perhaps. But if you step outside late at night, there is really only the moon to guide the way. Less people, less dogs, just the empty silence of the streets. (Warning: this will be less of an analysis of the year so far, so I understand if you need to skip ahead).

When I went to the Chicago Critics Film Festival two years ago, I came back later than usual and walked down an alley way in which someone randomly (wearing a mask to where only his eyes were visibly) sprinted up to me in a hurry. He asked for my phone and my wallet and I saw the knife in his hand. Of course I was scared but I didn’t hesitate - I could report the phone, I could call the bank, everything would be fine. But the heart rate went up so fast, it made me realize how vulnerable we all can be at any given moment.

And of course, I also thought, I should’ve skipped the movie and came home earlier. I likely would’ve never had this unexpected encounter that of course, lead me to not being able to sleep the whole night and frantically preparing to make phone calls the next morning during my lunch break at work. Yes I still went to work because I thought - I need the distraction of normalcy and routine. I really only shared this with a couple of people at the time. Maybe it was because in my mind, I lived and it could’ve been a lot worse.

But I think there’s something to escaping reality that still hits home for me. The abuse, the trauma, the mentally fragile - just about everyone has experienced something horrific. To me, being mugged was not a big deal in the end. I was mostly angry about it. Only minutes before that happened, there was someone in the middle of the street cleaning up a tree. He was wearing an Exorcist shirt so I started talking to him, curious about why the fence and building was dented. There was a terrible car accident there only a couple hours ago. Across the street was a parked car that was severely damaged. Again, how can one not think of the chaos theory or how random acts of unexpected violence can occur.

What this is all leading to is how two years ago, I realized that the best therapy that has ever existed is the one I’ve gone back to since I first attempted suicide when I was 12 years old: music and film. There’s a long story waiting to be written about how they both came together in an unexpected way. (Cue “Wave of Mutilation” by The Pixies and the sight of shirtless Christian Slater, sitting in a chair, smoking a cigarette). Now in the year 2023, I am trying to learn the art of balancing my time with the things I love alongside responsibilities as an adult working a full-time job.

It’s funny to think that it’s been a long time since I’ve worked a full-time job way back when I first moved to Chicago in 2006. I lived in Bucktown right near Logan Square and worked a rather thankless gig digitizing video for awhile until the servers kept crashing (being sent home early with pay) and then they said, “sorry that job you were hired for no longer exists so we’ll pay you the same to do something far less exciting. It was not the best of times but I was always making music and going to the movies. I didn’t see friends outside of playing DIY house shows and feeling inspired by the likes of Kimya Dawson, Paul Baribeau, Redbear, and Andrew Jackson Jihad. (Many more of course but those were biggies).

Now I’m still making music (covers mainly) and trying to keep up with new records and new movies. But I’ve been listening to and watching things that don’t fill me with inspiration and awe all that much. The dopamine jolt has come from listening to older records and watching older films (even experimental ones - shout-out to Michael Snow & Joe Gibbons). But I absolutely need the escape. There has to be something new out there that is exciting to recommend is what I tend to think every year, especially at the mid-way point. I know in the fall and especially at the year-end mark, I’ll be inundated with great art again.

All this to say is that I love animals and people (most of them anyway). But they are in competition to some degree with film and music, only because I truly feel they both saved my life at times when I’ve wanted to actively die. Or when I’ve experienced trauma. Or when I’ve made terrible mistakes that hurt others (sometimes without me even knowing it for years later). When I was 12, it would’ve been great to have connected with sports or religion or even in my teenage years, perhaps being more experimental with sex and drugs. But it was picking up a guitar and going to the movies that became reasons to stay in the light even if I would wake up to surrounding darkness. The world is full of it now and we are made more aware of how horrific and chaotic things can be. Any of us can experience something like a mugging or perhaps a severe health issue.

Where do we turn to? Yes, I would hope we turn to one another first and foremost. But we can’t always ask other people to stop their own lives and come be a personal savior. So when we get home after a hard day, we can put on a record, read a good book, binge on a TV show or head to the Criterion Channel. Sure, it’s important to stay hydrated, eat better and exercise or go for walks. But the arts are also there for you to provide consistent comfort and potential joy. Or maybe allow you to experience the lives of others in order to forget your own. This to me feels as essential as sleep, air, water, and socializing. One could argue that I’ve prioritized the arts over other important things over the years to a fault. I still don’t know how people balance full-time jobs with raising a family all while being active film critics and podcasters. I honestly don’t know if I will get to the point of needing to work on time management in that same fashion to where I will automatically ensure I spend time with children vs. sitting in a movie theater.

2023 is here and it’s quite possible that in 2028, this blog will end or continue. Same could be true of podcasting, recording music, or writing. My career is important, my health is important and the relationships I have managed to carry with me throughout time all need to remain consistent and strong. But there's no denying that I’ve managed to uncover a lot of gems even when I’ve felt less excitement for the ‘new’ especially when it’s driven by IP or studio execs. It comes as no surprise that my favorite film of the year so far is an independent love story out of Canada about forbidden love in the early 90s. In a way the movie that saved my life was about a different kind of rebellion, set in that same time period. It usually does come full circle.

The darkness does become light again which may explain how, like my dad, I’ve become a morning person. There’s the promise of fresh coffee, new podcasts, new music and new films to uncover. Here are some of the ones that have resonated with me the most at the midway point. Instead of jotting down even more words and reasons why, I’m opting to just include what they are along with visual art and a clickable link (on the title) for you to discover them too. Curious about why I consider these favorites? Leave a comment.

P.S Solidarity with the artists, writers, actors forever. Please help them all in their time of need. Union support, mutual aid, better pay. How to assist right now:

https://mashable.com/article/how-to-support-wga-writer-strike